FireTalon

DopeToBot

2004-09-15T01:03:54Z

electricgecko once commented (quite correctly) that video game music was so cool back in the day, and now it's rather flat (er, sucks). I quite agree, so when I found this site, I was quite happy. :)

The mysterious stranger

2004-09-01T10:04:00Z

For those of you who haven't read it, it's one of Mark Twain's most captivating short stories; I'm sure you could find it with a quick search on amazon.com . Warning, this entry contains spoiler information, and I HIGHLY recommend reading the story first.

I finished reading it again recently, and was once again swept away with Mr. Twain's spellbinding all-encompassing style. Still, some part of it stuck in my head for some unknown reason, until tonight – and I have a feeling I will come back to it again somewhat soon. But at any rate, tonight...

Tonight, I downloaded a copy of the old Doom game, which I found very entertaining. Still, I couldn't help but notice a disquieting parallel to Mr. Twain's writing, until I could hear the narration in my head...

"Man created in God's image", "All the dream-marks that you didn't catch", "the pointless, meaningless suffering of Man at his own devices". Doom was created as a nightmare reflection of our real world, each character a shadow in our own image, twisted by the "nightmare-ish" dream world to which the game is set. Of course, the character that the player uses is "just a thought, the simplest notion, propelled through the dream world which is a mere fabrication of itself. Meaningless prattle to fill the void, and in the end the character realizes this – that he is utterly alone and always has been, as the mind has skipped on to other things".

It makes it kind of creepy, thinking of our world as a shadowy reflection of somewhere else, simply conjured up with dreamy lucidity and flawed logical connections... a movie playing for itself, yet completely the product of its lonely creator. And the creator is but the shallowest notion, a fleeting thought, an interlocking piece that has but the briefest instant of connection with "true" reality, and then goes floating off into oblivion.

I'm sure everyone's had those "what if the whole world and my entire life is just a dream" thoughts before; it's just interesting how much stranger that notion of entanglement can get depending on what you've been exposed to.

Speaking of entanglement, the ol' boys over at SlashDot just linked to a five-photon entanglement experiment that's supposed to completely eliminate quantum computing qbit errors. Interesting how significant the number 5 can be – it's the first prime separated from the others by a non-prime (when counting up from 0), it's the number of digits many vertebrates share, and much more. But why 5, though? Does that have any more lucidity than anything else in a dream-logic state?

Does entanglement make any more sense? What about Umklapp in Solid State Mechanics? Pi-Meson fields and the whole Virtual Particle Field theory? I don't even pretend to want to read about the new string theory crap. Something just doesn't ring true for me in it. How many more dream-logic theories are there out there?

"There was a time when the pieces fit
but I watched them fall away..."

Anyway, it's late, and it's time for me to go to bed. Maybe I'll dream something up that makes more sense.

Lastly, as a side note, I find it quite amusing how eerie I found the pentagrams and similar symbols scattered through Doom when I first played it back in High School – and now, after being more exposed to more non-christianized history, I find it simply fascinating how such a simple symbol can cause such a strong reaction in a properly conditioned person. Even more laughable, at the time, I considered myself pretty darned separated from all that church stuff. It's just funny.

Bargain Books

2004-08-29T07:24:52Z

So I'm in Barnes & Noble, and there's some book-signing event going on behind me. The author's speech meandered across geography and history, explaining how we are genetically and spiritually all one race and one people. It's a sentiment I take as "de facto", so I drifted in and out of paying attention to his dissertation.

However, something about his review of history caught my attention, and it stuck. He started talking about the different faiths scattered across the globe, and their unique but similar approximations of mankind's "place in the world". While he held this as a universal example to our unity, I began wondering how he would explain the rise and fall of religious influence over the centuries if it really was so omnipotent. ... and then, something started to make a lot of sense.

Despite all of the attempts at spiritual, altruistic attachments we make towards religion -- especially in this country -- man's basic religion is "whatever puts food on the table, allows for stable family life, and explains away some basic fears about The Universe on the whole (death, etc.)" . This "religion" doesn't have to be "the best", just a little bit better than the last one.

In Western civilization, an extremely cursory view of our progress goes something like:
Scattered tribes
Warlords
City/States (Athens, Sparta)
Empires (Roman)
Christian Church (Dark Ages)
Nationalism (Current)

All of the "offspring" movements started small inside their "parent" frameworks, and were the strongest elements to endure when the "parent" collapsed. Each did its best to separate itself from its failed "parent", but still retained certain idiosyncrasies and created some of its own about the Nature of Man, The Natural World, God, etc. .

Each of these power bases collapsed because of a few basic, common trends. The greater the population under each framework, the more individuals were attracted to positions of power simply for wealth or control. Similarly, more and more ideological fragmentation occurred within the controlling body. Most importantly, however, the controlling faction created such an overpowering imbalance in wealth and "standard of living" between the ruling/administrative class and the "common" man that infighting occurred, which ushered in the next regime.

Some people wonder why the Roman Catholic Church holds so little sway in international politics, when it was once touted as the spiritual and educational center of the Western Civilized World. During the Dark Ages, in the power vacuum that the Roman Empire left, the church was one of the only safe havens to turn to, and to provide the basic necessities for living. After becoming bloated with wealth, corruption, fostering its own little wars, and spawning hundreds of dissident factions, the church simply fell behind emerging nations in its ability to "put food on the table" for the common man -- and so too died its influence. It moaned and screamed that the world would degenerate into a soul-less shell, deprived of its spiritual guidance -- despite the Vatican's lack of protest to the destruction of the Jews during WWII and its long history of molestation cover-ups.

It amazes me, though, for a nation, born in Masonic ideals of "All Men are Created Equal" and "Separation of Church and State", we try so hard to forget our history of African slavery and American Indian conversion and genocide. Even when given the "clean slate" of a new hemisphere to settle, it seems many lessons are slow to be learned. But despite the cynicism laced in these facts, many things are changing for the better. The fact that gay marriage or anti-war sentiment can be debated in public without (overwhelming) fear of being shot or lynched is a peace not known 30 years ago.

So, for me, it's not a matter of "if or when" this nation of ours will fall, just like its ancestors -- it's an eventuality that I may or may not witness. The question is how to prolong the quality and stability of the lives of those I care about in a way that's best for everybody.

Funny

2004-08-24T08:17:28Z

I enjoy cooking. When done with its own time and space, it's a relaxing yet energizing activity that provides one of life's necessities for you and those around you; it can be zappy, fun, and comically hazardous if you feel like experimenting; it's also a great time to just jabber with friends while each takes a turn dancing carefully across the kitchen floor, savoring flashes of heat and hints of scent as you go.

There are certain dishes that you can throw together with relative ease and minimal attention. A dash of this, a sprig of that, a daring twist of one of those, and you're all set.

Curry is not one of those dishes.

And the more that I try to persuade it to be a spontaneous, easygoing, even-tempered foodstuff, the more it clearly teaches me otherwise.

:P

Note to self: Do not try to "rescue" a flavorless dish by adding Cayenne Pepper. OUCH.

Happy time

2004-07-26T06:44:12Z

Today, I went to the Obon festival, which we try to visit each year. I missed the drums again, which makes me a little sad, but I caught the dancing, and came to a very calm, clear realization.

Every culture has unique rites for honoring the dead, for giving thanks for the harvest, for giving thanks for life and living – that somewhere in our "base level" as a species, we are fundamentally gracious, thankful, and offer up artistic and meaningful rites and sacrifices to "the powers that be".

This is a harsh contrast to many of my previous views of humanity and our negative, destructive tendencies.

Still, it makes sense that there would be a time of departure from the "old ways", when we questioned or (temporarily) abandoned all that we knew* and tried something else. The "slash and burn" mentality rampant in America and much of the global economy isn't completely surprising.

To put it simply, we don't know any better. Or, perhaps I should say "we're more thoroughly learning again what we already know".

It doesn't take a genius to realize that pumping billions of gallons of crude oil out of the ground, refining it, and burning it into the atmosphere isn't the best idea for us and our planet. Take any child or non-"modernized" person to an oil drilling site, and tell me they look completely "at-home" and comfortable. We know it's a bad idea, but we do it anyway – much like curious teenagers playing with matches.

And, much like adolescence, there is a learning curve involved. Every culture has its own tales of the hero/hunter/warrior going out into the world, interacting, changing, maturing, and then arriving back where s/he began. And so, it is the same way with us – and you can see the results every day. "Scientists verify that chicken soup really does help cure colds". "Research shows that eating a variety of fruits and vegetables is much more healthy than eating at McDonald's". "Ketchup is not actually a fruit". Who doesn't know this on some fundamental level**?

Just as in the old stories, I believe we will arrive right back where we started. We'll confirm our original knowledge that exploiting labor from our fellow man in the long run is a bad idea. Burning the rainforest isn't the best way to expand farmland. Using oil or coal for fuel causes more problems than they're worth. Creating unnatural synthetic materials only leaves mountains of waste that can only be broken down again by costly industrial methods.

I look forward to the day when we re-emerge from our stone-cut houses, put on our wool and cotton blend garments, tend our non-nitrogen-oxide-enriched fields, and get together to celebrate the turning of the seasons, and the quiet company around a campfire. I'm sure we'll have our company of nano-machines, atmospheric sensor arrays, and medical aid droids in the mix, but at least they'll be bio-degradable. ;)

* "What we knew" refers to a collective set of simple patterns in all cultures that have transcended time and place. "You reap what you sow". "The truth will eventually emerge". "No one suspects the Inquisition!". :)

** Not to be confused with "who doesn't know this but convinces themselves otherwise?".

Randomy thoughts (somewhat)...

2004-06-21T09:06:32Z

Inspiration to share by this journal entry by maui

A few weeks ago, I was thinking about the different "styles" of memory (not that there are distinct and separated classes): memories of vision, sound, smell, touch, taste, language (with contextual meaning as opposed to just "sound"), intellectual abstractions, cadences of thoughts (like the lyrics to a song), simple swells of emotion, and more. Some "nodes" of thought are clusters of these senses or ideas tied together, sometimes in rational ways, sometimes in "complicated" or confusing ways (much like "dream logic", where putting the hamster on the green microwave OF COURSE gets you a visit from the fire department checking for loose sprinklers in your chimney). They can be beautiful, somber, terrifying, or exhilarating webs of experience, and all have a fractal-like connection to other related "points" on the "web".

The interesting (or frustrating?) point, though, is that so many of these elements of experience are communicated through just language. On one hand, language is an amazing tool that lets you share glimpses of thought in replication across space and time. On the other, it is SO damned limiting based on the necessity to smother the richness and depth of life down into a pre-formatted context of grammar, vocabulary, and cadence. How much is shaved off by shoving that very round peg into that very narrow, square hole?

Of course, there's the beauty of art, music, dance... so many forms of communication – and yet, you can immerse yourself in these imitations so much, struggling so hard to extrapolate the meaning and feeling, that you forget to step outside your own door, forget to take in the world for yourself. You can forget to feel the richness of the summer sun with your own skin, and forget to marvel at the rainbow after the storm with your own eyes.

I guess it's one more thing to celebrate. :)

Put your hands in the air...

2004-06-01T00:04:03Z

Wow... it's been a busy few weeks.

Lots of stuff going on at work. This is a very good thing.

Just spent most of Memorial Day Weekend at the beach, and DAMN was it good. It feels like summer already, even though the summer solstice hasn't past yet. The waves were consistently over my head-level, which made for some fabulous rides and some embarrasing yet comical pummelings. I feel mellow (if not a bit hot), but rather thrashed -- in the good way. :)

Cheers to all.

Everyone has a pet theory... Pikachu, I CHOOSE YOU!

2004-04-11T11:03:27Z

Just as a forewarning/FYI, this relates to another post, which I may make and link to later.

So, I was doing some thinking the other day, mainly about the whole “desensitization” idea that we have about the media. There have been dozens of studies that try to link the overload of violence and sex in magazines/TV/etc. to a general “numbness” or “lack of feeling” we have towards these subjects ... and, supposedly, these rules apply to children and adults alike (although children are supposed to be more 'susceptible' to it).

Unfortunately, there's an inherent flaw with this idea: If increased exposure just lead to increased “numbness”, then people would never have nervous breakdowns, psychotic episodes, or get cranky in the post office. Nobody would never get over-stressed or over-loaded with worry, they would just slowly become completely insensitive and passive. That's hardly what I see in today's culture; in fact, people seem more high-strung, nervous, tense, and exhausted.

However, I submit this alternate explanation:

Rather than becoming “numb” to it, I think people actively, purposefully create a perception “patch” to deal with strong stimuli like these. Making this “patch” takes time and energy, but once it's “applied” to daily life, takes a (relatively) small amount of mental “juice” to maintain.

A perfect parallel can be seen in the software industry: ol' Windows 2000 works just fine until some 18 year old kid came up with the Blaster Worm, and all of a sudden you had to download a 500 Megabyte patch to plug up this huge security orafice. After you got all patched up, system resources get taxed a little bit more, but hey, the OS lives again.

But, when we jump back to people, what exactly are we “patching”? I submit this further theory: that people want a pre-packaged version of reality, with a user manual and satisfaction guaranteed. People are attracted to the idea that if you do A, B, and C, you get A House, A Mate, Children, Financial Security, A Nice Car, and All That Good Stuff That You Really Want. Values of “what is important” and “what's not” in Life are Very Clearly Explained, and you're given a basic set of Social Interaction Protocols that you can use to interact with people in various venues. Even big scary things like Death are explained, and you even get a sneak-preview of what The Afterlife is like! Look! It works for all these other people! If you do it right, it'll work for you too!

So, religion and government and commerce and culture all heave together to form this package, and you can download and install your favorite Desktop Theme Package: Christian, Liberal, Jewish, Buddhist, Conservative, and 9 others! Mix and match at your own risk.

However, when shit happens that's “not in the manual” (Illegal operation!), like the Twin Towers being blown up, then things get nuts. People wonder “If this is a free country where All Men Are Created Equal, and our market system NEVER does anything that bad internally or overseas, and our military NEVER does anything that horrible in other countries, and Americans are all just Wonderful Outgoing Smart Driven People Here To Try And Make The Future Brighter For Everyone, then why the hell did this happen to us?!?!?!!”. And suddenly, options start opening up: Maybe we WEREN'T so good overseas. Maybe our military and foreign policy pissed some people off. Maybe our leaders lied to us. Maybe we shouldn't have tried to use terrorists against Russia the way we did. Maybe we ARE just innocent victims. Maybe we made some bad decisions, but didn't deserve something like this! etc. etc.

And suddenly, the Maybes open up a whole new world of opportunity, a whole new way of looking and thinking and doing – maybe they open up a few thousand new ways, or a few million... until not too much is certain any more. Will I really get that car? What about my house and kids? Memory full. Pagefile full. Error! CRASH!

So, then we get a “patch”, to explain what that whole thing was about, why it happened, who's to blame, and how Our Way Of Life Will Go On, and How Our Basic Reality Is Just Fine And Just Needs A Little Fine Tuning, Please Hold Still, This Won't Hurt. You can choose from a list of 14 patches, including: CIA Conspiracy! British Intelligence Failure! Presidential Incompetence! UN Cover-up! Divine Sign! Mix and match patches at your own risk.

Just like Windows, however, I feel that applying patch after patch after patch might indicate a fundamental flaw in the original Kernel. After a while, your resources are so sucked full of patches and fixes and crap, you can't even get up in the morning without making yourself remember why you're doing it, making yourself remember why everything will be okay, and why the world isn't the scary, crazy place your senses keep screaming it is, just drink your cup of coffee quickly and get to work.

Okay, that's a lot of bitching. So, wiseguy, if this Modern Western Culture 5.6 isn't REALLY all that great, why don't people use something ELSE?

Perhaps it's the same reason Windows has a near monopoly on PC-based hardware: Everyone Else Uses It. How else am I supposed to work, play games, and share MP3's with my friends? Legally share MP3's! Of course, legally...

SURE, you could use some LINUX version, you FREAK, but then I can't MSN message you to show you the coolest new MPEGS I just downloaded, 'cuz your OS DOESN'T DO THAT. :P

What else gets “patched out” besides reasons behind terrorist attacks? Sexism? Racism? Materialism? Abuse? Conspiracies? Ghosts? Angels? Demons? UFO's? WHAT?!?!?!!

Of course, this is a fine line to tread – and one of the attractive sales points of WC5.6, which includes the following Safety Guidelines: There are no UFO's. Ghosts are only seen by Very Weird People, who you should avoid. Angels and Demons can be talked about in sermon-form in church, but you're a Wacko if you talk about it elsewhere. Materialism is great, since it's a Solid, Countable, Irrefutable Method of Trying To Establish Some Sort of Concrete Equality For Everyone. In fact, Materialism is The ONLY Way To Try And Establish Equality. This Is Why Consumerism Is So Darn Good – It Makes People Out-Shop Each Other Rather Than Kill Each Other For Good Stuff.

Of course, these “safeguards” are meant to help everyone Get Along, which is OF VITAL IMPORTANCE!!! With no Commonly Agreed Boundaries, Charles Manson was just “doin' his own thing”. This is not a minor point!!!

So, after all this blabber, what the hell am I getting at?

I'd like to hear your opinion on this matter. What important things do you think we casually “filter out” in our daily lives? Whick “filters” do you think need tweaking, and which should be left alone?

A day in the life

2004-03-18T07:50:02Z

Had a good time today. Got some work done, met up with mystee, who I hadn't seen in ages, and had a great time catching up. Now I just gotta get my arse in gear and finish several "in progress" projects at once. Can't complain much, though.

Still, it reminded me of just how much time I've been spending at work and with other random chores, and how little I've been able to set aside for enjoying things. Gotta switch that up a bit -- mainly by making my work days more efficient.

Echo...echo...echo

2004-02-15T03:43:49Z

You know, its amazing when you catch yourself living life as a reflection of memory, half-paying attention to what's actually going on, and half-glazedly watching some distorted reel roll in your head.

Amazing, too, is the plethora of seemingly random cues that can set off such a spell, just like the random neuro-associations that can make recognizing Synthesasia (sp???, mentioned in electricgecko's journal way back when) such a deep, creative, and meaningful way of thinking.

Cheers to Living Life In The Now, and learning to react to the variety that reality offers us.

Cuteness

2004-01-29T06:54:23Z

My girlfriend got me a sweet little card for no reason in particular today.

She is just awesome. :)

Love ya, hun.

Aahhh...

2003-11-28T21:35:57Z

Had a nice past couple o' weekends -- hung out with icefox quite a bit, went with stumpykitty to go visit with one of her friends who's down for the holidays, and generally "slowed down a bit". I had no idea how much sleep I lost over the previous month until I found myself passed out on the couch... repeatedly...

Thanksgiving is an odd holiday season. There's a lot of unpleasant stuff going on for a lot of people that I know (things that I've experienced in the past). Things are relatively stable for me, and I'm very grateful for it.

Have a happy holday season, everyone.

It snowed in Watts last night

2003-11-14T03:35:14Z

O_O

Relaxo

2003-10-03T01:48:38Z

Had a good past couple of days.

Hung out with dustmeat last weekend, and roamed around the nefarious Block at Orange. Had a great ol' time, and even got to top the evening off with Cold Stone.

Yesterday I took stumpykitty out to Santa Barbara for her birthday, and we kidnapped icefox from her little cave -- she was all squinty out in the sunlight. :) Had loads of fun catching up, and once again, capped off the evening with Cold Stone. stumpykitty and icefox both passed out on the way back in the car in sugary comatose bliss.

Work is good right now.

It was really a treat to see people that I haven't seen in AGES. Must do this sort of thing more often.

The LOVE BOAT

2003-08-25T08:07:05Z

Had a fucking FANTASTIC day today:

Went to Catalina. Round trip is only $43 -- considering a tank of gas is $35, that ain't bad at all.

First off, stumpykitty and I rented a two-person kayak and went tearing off around the Marina area. Beautiful water, ocean breeze, and simply a marvelous feeling of freedom; and, as we soon found out, one hell of a great workout!

We came ashore, devoured much cooked animal flesh, cruised the shops, and chilled for a bit. Rented some fins and masks (only $10 for both of us!) and went diving around the local (shallow) kelp beds, admiring sea bass, garibaldi, and some other random skinny fish with cool turquoise stripes. The water was much more murky than last time, which wasn’t the greatest, but it was still a blast. Some lady brought some dog food to attract more fish, and the bass were jumping out of the water a bit for the floating nuggets; one even wedged into... my armpit, which was a... “unique sensation”. O_o

Came back up, dried off, got some ColdStone ice cream (GOD, YES!), and then played some mini-golf at one of the most EVIL courses in existence. The holes are creative – some even have vertical loops – but they’re all damned hard. Jenny beat me 68 to 69 – but I didn’t mind losing with that score. :) Checked out more stores, and ended up trying to chill out next to this group of people with some loud racist old man discussing social issues. While it certainly pissed me off, it was very educational to hear how someone could twist certain statistics and unconnected facts into something so ugly.

Found some super-cool hidden shops, especially this import store called “Bay of the Seven Moons”. Spectacular variety, beautiful stones and jewelry, and great prices. Got some Celtic dragon knot rings, grabbed some cheap dinner, and rolled on through. Grabbed some coffee with oatmeal cookies right out of the oven. I had forgotten how damned good they could be.

We discovered their not-so-little waterfront bookstore, and I found an awesome Native American art magazine, which had some very inspiring pieces and promising web links. I’ll post some scans or something when I get a chance.

Got on the boat, napped, and zoomed home. Not bad for a day out. Gotta get going with little sleep tomorrow, but it was well worth it. :)

Take care, all – hope you had a great weekend.

Art musings

2003-06-20T07:53:44Z

A little prefacing:

While this is a somewhat comprehensive analysis of the points I'd like to cover, it is not necessarily how I feel about the subject of "art" in every way, shape, and form; it's sort of a review of a few strong colors I have in my full spectrum on the subject -- some of which contradict each other -- but, hey, that's what you get on complex subjects.

Secondly, it's also one of the center pins in a little internal controversy that has made me rather uninterested in art for the past several months. Not that the appreciation of art or interest in it is gone, but more the meaning and fulfillment -- which I've noticed quite a few other people have mentioned here and there. I'm curious how similar/different these feelings are to everyone else.

Okay, so I'm thumbing through some interior decorator magazine, looking at all these (gorgeous) classical buildings with a dash of "modern" remodeling, and there's a shot of a nice overpriced bedroom with $1,000 bed sheets, $500 wicker chairs, etc. etc. Hanging over the bed is a rather... primitive little doodle of a woman's face, eyelashes drawn down, in a large attention-focusing matte. For a setting THAT overpriced, I was a bit surprised to see this particular piece as the focus of the room, considering it most likely (laughably) cost several thousand dollars.

Why not a photograph? Why not something with a bit more... Skill? Detail? Richness?... involved? How on earth is this careless little squiggle supposed fill the idea of a person, let alone bear the central focus of the living space?

And then, I began to wonder: just what am I drawing, anyway? The most basic simplification of a person, moment, or emotion. Even a photograph, which can capture so much more than mere hinted lines, is so infinitely humble compared to its subject. A single human being, a life, reduced to a paper-thin slice on a microscope slide -- is this the common way of thinking about things?

Not even the full figure is captured; only a tiny flash off of half of the surface, soaked up onto the film. What about the inside? What about all the complex twists and turns that make up such a splendid anatomy? What about the shimmering, sparkling halo of the mind, barely within our science to grasp, let alone represent or imitate?

And then, what about the next moment? What about the infinite spectrum that this individual stretches through time? What about dinner that evening? What about children later in life? What about splashing through the ocean next year through a golden-vermillion sunset?

And then, it occurs to me; all of the feeling, the meaning found in art comes from connecting the dots: from filling in all the middle ground of a puzzle we are only given scant glimmers of -- the faintest, thinnest of motionless notes to fill the span of an eternal symphony. The image becomes the cup we fill with our own reflections... so, at this moment, my biggest question is: Why? Why seek out this familiar but thin representation of life rather than going out and living it?

Finding Nemo

2003-06-16T08:22:50Z

Might as well throw in a silly little editorial. Wasn't planning on seeing this one really, just kinda "happened". For any interested, here's a brief reflection:

I found it to be more worthy of a split "five-day animation special" format rather than a workable cinematic presentation. The scenes and characters were so segmented and awkwardly introduced, I found myself thinking of them as disposable stepping-stones towards the movie's predictable family fun ending, rather than anything particularly memorable or worthy of further curious investigation/development.

The humor was also dominated by fart/belch jokes and one-liners -- which can sorta work, except they've been blasting most of the punchlines out in the commercials for the past two months straight.

Still, several good (new) chuckles are to be found here and there. I'm more curious to see what the heck Disney's new bear-movie venture is going to be (it has me worried...), and where Pixar is going from here. I hope their next one is a bit thicker on plot and creating meaningful characters -- even though they have to crank out two films by 2005. We'll see.

The important stuff

2003-06-15T11:53:10Z

It's odd when you get those refreshing little reminders every now and then of how lucky you are, and how cool the universe can be sometimes.

While this may seem rather stupid and mushy to some, well, I don't care. You'll just have to scroll past this bitty 1k of sugary soapboxing. :P :)

I'm just here to say that stumpykitty has been nothing less than the most thoughtful creature I've ever known, and that I appreciate her patience and understanding more than I can say; and, I'll say it from the digital hilltops as a simple gesture of my appreciation.

Getting up at 2 AM to caringly chat with me 'till 3:30 simply because I'm frustrated is just one sign of how much she cares, and it's not something that I'll soon forget. Thank you, Honey, for everything; you're awesome. :)

....

and then she comes in and bugs me just 'cuz it's 5AM. :P :)

I'll take Famous Zen Quotes for $200, Alex

2003-05-15T05:21:43Z

Occasionally, I think I stumble across something that might be of use. Then, I get to be all long winded about it! Yay! ;p :)

So, stumpykitty and I were browsing through Barnes and Noble late the other night, and we're digging through the bargain book section... where, low and behold there's a copy of this Pocket Zen Guide thing that's on sale. Well, I figure I might as well peek at it, since I didn't have enough time that night to devote to any serious research on the matter.

After some random other reading, I crack the sucker open: it had a fair share of interesting (and some bizarre) poetry, and then a series of quotes and conversations that were supposed to make you stop and think. Among them, I ran into this (roughly paraphrased) one:

***
A wandering philosopher of high stature came to a famed Zen master and asked to become his student. The master refused, but the philosopher continued to insist on the subject. Out of desperation, the student cut off his own arm to present to the master as a confirmation of how serious he was.

The master asked, "Why did you cut your arm off?"
The devotee replied, "To show how serious I am with my intent to become your pupil".
"Was your arm troubling you?"
"No, my mind is troubling me. I cannot keep my mind still!"
"Bring me your mind, and I will make it still for you"
After thinking for a moment, the philosopher replied, "I cannot bring you my mind"
"Your mind is still", said the master.

... and, as the book explained, this is because the philosopher finally realized that the mind does not exist.
***

Wow.

What a fucking fabulous concept.

I proceeded to ponder over it for a while, doze, have some really trippy dreams, and come back to it frequently in the days since.

Why? Well... mainly because I have an issue with being distracted. I mean, not with flashy shiny stuff (although that happens...), but mainly focusing on Work, Applications of Theories of Physics, Computer Crap, or Various Other Not Exactly Fun subjects that are (seemingly) always "on" in my head. I suppose this tendency finally solidified in college when I started taking on a workload that required constant "background" compiling every waking moment. It reached the point where it didn't matter if I went on vacation, took a day off, traveled, or ANYTHING - I could be in the middle of a fucking amusement park ON THE FUCKING ROLLERCOASTER and STILL be thinking "hey, so THAT'S how you can use the LaPlace Transform to solve that problem!". BLAH. FUCK.

Even conversations and interactions with people were put onto "auto pilot" while I buzzed away at silly little abstract concepts - which of course can make for some comical scatterbrained moments. Memories would start to become a drawn-out blur, where I would leave the lab, but never really "leave the lab". Which, when you think about it, is a pretty lame way to live your life, considering how UTTERLY FUCKING FANTASTIC things are when you FUCKING PAY ATTENTION.

(wow, I like the word "fuck")

Anyway, so this fabulous little notion comes along (which goes along with Just About Everything stumpykitty Keeps Telling Me), and things look So Starkly Different. You're basically left with some pre-programmed biological needs/tendencies, which include:

* The need for a connection with people in your immediate family/people from your early childhood, similar to the imprinting instinct seen in birds. (for all of us that listen to Love Line or Live In The Real World, we know that This Can Be A Bad Thing)

* The need for a group of friends or a community to Belong To And Work In.

* The need for a sexual partner (with the Possibility Of Reproduction for some people).

... and many, many more...

BUT

All the other bullshit that goes on is just this... well, I dunno... "filler"? "Distraction"? When I start thinking of all the energy devoted to Being A Good Citizen, Staying Inside The Yellow Safety Lines, Minding The Rules Of The Road, And Everything Else That Is Absolutely Necessary To Maintain The Lifestyle That We Lead, I just begin to wonder If This Is Really Such A Wonderful Lifestyle After All.

I mean, when the day is done, I don't look forward to coming home and polishing my car, listening to some CD's in a room with the lights off, or even playing the latest video game; I look forward to talking to the people that I care about.

Before people start getting all wiggy, I don't imagine that the world would be perfect if everyone rolled out a straw mat and began chanting every day from dawn 'till dusk; I still realize there are very real things that need to be taken care of, like obtaining food, security measures, medical care, etc. etc. ... I just wonder how much of our time gets spent attending to someone else's imaginary needs to maintain a lifestyle that not everybody may want in the first place.

... hehhehe... and the worst thing is, I started composing this in my head while I was eating a bowl of cereal, rather than just enjoying the meal. :P Practice, practice...

Eeh...

2003-04-30T07:03:33Z

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

</lj>

click

2003-04-23T04:27:24Z

REMOVED

CATS!

2003-04-23T01:54:08Z

Cats hate being bathed.

REMOVED

State of the Union Address

2003-04-09T04:47:45Z

Rather than just use this journal as a soap-box for bitching, I’m going to try to balance between opinion and action.

OPINION

Now, I’ve known about this war for a long time. Back in February of 2002, stumpykitty and I were told by a marine that he and his unit were getting shipped out to the gulf, and that there’d be a war before Bush’s term was up. We kept it quiet, as he requested, but that didn’t make us feel any better. As far as I can figure, what we have here is a lose-lose situation.

I was waiting to see how things would play out in the UN. I knew Bush would push hard for his goal, and would most likely fail to gain the majority he needed; he earned some sharp disfavor during his early tours in Europe, especially over his abandonment of the Kyoto treaty. I was a little surprised how eager he was to push ahead without any financial or political support for reconstruction after the war, though - we’re still not done in Afghanistan, and maintaining two simultaneous remote administrations with our current economic slump is going to be a BIG problem.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know that Hussein is a monster, guilty of torturing and murdering his own people, and I have no doubt that he was still producing illegal weapons. I would LOVE to see him deposed. However, the US track record for getting rid of heads of state *without* the UN is NOT a good one: Take a look at all the insanity we caused throughout South America with assassinations, military apprehension of government leaders, and funding rebel troops. Since we’re already underway, I hope we have a better plan than before for fixing this mess.

But lastly, and most importantly, we haven’t learned our lesson from the 60’s in the Middle East - the CIA funded and trained Bin Laden and his comrades to fight the Soviets. We knew they were suicidal radicals who would go to any length to reach their objectives, but as soon as they lost their usefulness to our cause, we did our best to piss them off. 30 years later, it came around to bite us in the ass. The moral of this story: stay the fuck away from suicidal militant fanatics in other countries -- we have enough trouble keeping a handle on the Timothy McVeigh’s here at home. So what are we doing now? Attacking another nest of international fanatics.

So, here I was all hoping the UN would turn around and show some real groundbreaking international diplomacy, SOME glimmer of political grace and intelligent cultural savvy and find a way to get us all out of this mess. What do we get instead? Some Old School bitter trade rivalries screwing everything up in the world’s hour of need.

France and Germany have been playing political games for a long time in the EU, since France has a landslide population vote weight, and Germany has one of the highest GNP’s. By playing buddy-buddy, they’ve been able to dominate most EU policy. Now, they’re talking about unifying both governments: granting automatic dual citizenship, and merging several bodies of government. (politically incorrect note: The Germans twice conquered France through brute force but lost it, so they finally settled for buying them out. :P ) Britain has always been marginalized in the EU (partially by its own choice), so is now desperately clinging to us for support. I’m also sure Mr. Blair gives the IRA an evil glare when he shows them how eager his government is to squish terrorist groups in the international arena.

Now, France and Germany are demanding a role in setting up the new government in Iraq? What the fuck? They scream and wail over America’s “unjust” armed conflict, but lead the charge for control after Bush does all the dirty work?

So, whadda we got? The same single-minded bickering and political viciousness over trade that started both previous world wars, fractures in the international bodies created to PREVENT this kind of action (NATO and the UN), all compounded by military stockpiling and adding a dash of international terrorist fanatics. Fuck. And to think I got all happy when the Berlin wall came down, like it was some bright new milestone for our species.

What makes me the most upset, though, is seeing my friends in the military get sent off for this conflict: they joined with an intense desire to protect their loved ones here at home, and are willing to put themselves at risk to help people in other nations they’ve never even met -- and then they get swept up in THIS mess. With the new military demographic almost completely dominated by poor enlistees, it’s a grim vision to see a bunch of old rich monkeys wield the lives of the impoverished youth as a tool to secure and expand their fortunes.

ACTION

To end this on a high note, at least I know I can still donate to the Red Cross for SOME hope of positive action coming out of all of this. I’ve lost a bit of faith in the UN - not from the recent breakdown over Iraq, but from some previous scandals. The Red Cross is the ONLY international organization that I know of that ONLY provides medical assistance REGARDLESS of nationality. If anyone has any scandalous information that would indicate otherwise, please let me know.

So, I’m going to send a little cash their way, and organize an art auction sometime in the next several weeks, when my work schedule slows down. Announcements will be posted here. Take care, everybody. Come home safe.

Linkage

2003-03-03T07:44:35Z

... and now, for my first trick... just some interesting photograpy links.

http://www.livejournal.com/community/fourelements/

and

http://www.livejournal.com/community/macro_pics/ (... heh, not what you think)